I’ve been fighting it for a while.
Since 2018, honestly.
I’ve been putting off dealing with it. I kept telling myself that once I started my medication, it would get better. It did get better, for a while. But it didn’t get enough better for me to sustain my current commitments and schedule.
In the last month, things have kind of come to a head–I’m behind on Headlines, which is supposed to be out in two and a half weeks. I now find myself in the unfortunate situation of looking for a new job. Not urgently, but…If I don’t start now, I may very well find myself in a dire situation.
While updating my CV, I came to the conclusion (again) that I don’t want a new job. Not only do I like the place where I work and the people I work with, I really just don’t want a new boss. I don’t want to work for someone else. Out of all the jobs I’ve searched, there isn’t a single one I actually *want* to do.
I know what I want. But the current KnotMagick business model is just not sustainable. I made a list this week of all the things I currently do, the new things I want to try, and the things I either need or want to let go of.
If you’ve been over on the patreon lately, you know that I’m taking a summer hiatus–essentially, I ran out of weekly chapters for my patrons. After consulting them, I decided to take some time off from weekly posts.
And I think I need to do the same here. I need to take a step back to examine how I’ve been doing things, because it’s not working anymore. I physically can’t keep up with my former pace, and mentally and emotionally I’m feeling defeated. Last week I considered cancelling all of my releases for 2021-2022 altogether.
So posts here are going to be sporadic for a while. I need to figure out what I’m going to change, and how to change it. And perhaps more importantly, I need a break. I know I’m going to keep writing. But I need to find a better way of publishing/putting my work out in the world. I need to find a more sustainable business model, and find some way to increase my revenue, or else publication simply isn’t worth the time and energy I put into it. My entire life I’ve bought into the “if you build it, they will come,” mentality of self publishing, but after five years, it’s pretty clear that isn’t the case.
If you have suggestions, something you’d like to see, let me know. I’m open to new ideas because clearly, the ones I’ve been running with aren’t working.